Vision

Alright, ya'll. {I really want this southern "ya'll" thing to work for me! ;)} I'm sorry. I'm a bad blogger. I've always been a bad journaler...I guess this is the same. I'm working on it, though.

Adam graduated from Airman Leadership School last night! Woohoo! Five weeks of non-stop school and homework sucked, but it was well worth it. He has now been trained to be a supervisor and I'm sure will do an excellent job. At the graduation there was a guest speaker who talked about vision and it really struck a chord with me. He said that there are 4 points to vision:

1. How you see yourself
2. How you see others
3. How others see you
4. How you see the future

I loved what he said about point #2. He summarized it by saying that if you see your teenager as a dirtbag then he'll be a dirtbag, but if you see him as a shining star then he'll be a shining star. I think there's a lot of truth to that. I think that our kids need to see that we think they are great, that they have endless potential, and that they are incredibly and powerfully loved. If we expect their best, they will give it to us. If we set them up to fail...they will. I want to be the parent (and the spouse, friend, daughter, etc) that believes in my kids (or spouse, friend, etc...) and sets them up for success. I want them to know that I support them and love them and believe in them. I want to exude positivity and build up the people around me, especially my children. 

His words really made sense to me and I hope that Adam and I can be very intentional about seeing the best in our children and each other. It does a lot for your self worth when someone else shows you how much they believe in you.

I'm a little emotional...

Anxious.

I looked up it's definition to make sure that it was the perfect word to describe my feelings:

Experiencing worry, unease, or nervousness, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome

I feel like sometimes the word is used with a happy connotation, for instance "anxious to see the new movie coming out", etc. But I don't feel that sort of excitement or eagerness. I think the definition above fits my emotions to a tee right now.

Don't get me wrong. I want to get a job. I want to go to school. However, I don't want to leave my baby. I'm super attached to him. I have so many fears. What if this ruins our breastfeeding relationship? What if he won't take a bottle? What if he decides he prefers the bottle? What if he cries the entire time he's gone? What if he doesn't? What if I cry the entire time we're apart? Will he feel abandoned? Will I feel like a terrible mother just for doing what I think I need to do for our family and for my sanity? Will I be able to give my best to a job and school and my family?

I'm really stressing about making the right decision.

Someone tell me that this feeling goes away. Please.

Crafty Goodness & An Update

I have been itching to do something crafty, so I pulled out my sewing machine this week. I found some neat/easy patterns online and got started. First I made some sweet tie onesies using the pattern from here:

Please excuse the phone pictures! :)

Then I made cloth baby shoes to match the black tie. I'll make brown shoes when I get brown thread. I found the pattern here.

{Swoon}

I need to adjust the shoe pattern a bit, though. It says 0-6 months, but they are huge on Liam right now! I think I'll try to mess with it before I finish the brown shoes.

Modeling for Mommy

I can't wait to put the entire outfit on him for his 3 month pictures! I really love to make things for people...now if I can convince myself to put that machine to use more often... 

Okay, time for a quick life update. I've been trying to figure out what I want to do with my life (career-wise) for awhile now. While I love love love staying home with my sweet baby, I feel like I need to do something to help provide for our family. I want to feel fulfilled in another aspect of life. I am sad to have to find daycare and seriously concerned for my sanity when it comes to leaving my boy for any amount of time, but I think this is something I need to do. I am going back to school. I plan to finish my pre-requisites this year so that I can go to nursing school next year. Wish me luck guys...it's been two years since I graduated from college and I've never taken an online class. I'm a little anxious to say the least. I also have a job opportunity that has come up recently. I'm just praying that, if it is the right choice for our family, everything will come together smoothly. I'll update you more as it develops. 

Also, a quick Liam update! 

My baby is 3 months old! Here's where he stands:

• As of yesterday you is 14 lb 7.8 oz! So chunky! :)
• You just moved into 3-6 month and 6 month clothes.
• You love dance time...especially to Disney music like "Hakuna Matata" and "Under the Sea".
• You are still EBF and love nursing. You are easily distracted and often come off to smile at me...it kind of melts my heart.
• We're working on getting you to sleep in your bed all night. You've always spent part of the night in bed with me and I'll miss the cuddles, but you're a kicker and I'm kind of ready to have my bed back. 
• Bedtime is normally between 8:00 and 8:30. Most nights you'll wake up between 2:00 and 3:00 and then go back to sleep until somewhere between 6:00 and 8:00.
• Mornings are your favorite and you are so incredibly smiley!
• You love to talk to me, but you really love to talk to your Daddy. Seeing my boys together makes me mush.
• You still hate tummy time, but we're working on it.

I can't wait to see what next month brings! I love you sweet boy!

Alright, sorry for the super long post. We're going to spend some quality family time together and hopefully get some 3 month pictures done this weekend. I hope you enjoy your weekend, too!