Tuesday, August 9, 2011

I'm a little emotional...

Anxious.

I looked up it's definition to make sure that it was the perfect word to describe my feelings:
Experiencing worry, unease, or nervousness, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome
I feel like sometimes the word is used with a happy connotation, for instance "anxious to see the new movie coming out", etc. But I don't feel that sort of excitement or eagerness. I think the definition above fits my emotions to a tee right now.

Don't get me wrong. I want to get a job. I want to go to school. However, I don't want to leave my baby. I'm super attached to him. I have so many fears. What if this ruins our breastfeeding relationship? What if he won't take a bottle? What if he decides he prefers the bottle? What if he cries the entire time he's gone? What if he doesn't? What if I cry the entire time we're apart? Will he feel abandoned? Will I feel like a terrible mother just for doing what I think I need to do for our family and for my sanity? Will I be able to give my best to a job and school and my family?

I'm really stressing about making the right decision.

Someone tell me that this feeling goes away. Please.

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